Father John,

I've heard many people repeat some version of the "God never gives you more than you can handle" phrase. I know the fuller concept is that God provides us the graces to handle anything.
However, if we are each so grace gifted, how then do we explain those people who have, obviously, been unable to cope with some burden in their life. Those who take their own lives in despair, the mothers who leave their family when the stress becomes too great, the infidelities that occur when one partner feels overburdened and turns elsewhere?

Are people sometimes given more than they are capable of handling? (And, if so, are we all the way back to that whole "God dropped this in your lap to test you" scenario which so annoys me?)
Thanks for your thoughts!
Amanda
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Dear Amanda,

When I read your question earlier this afternoon, I thought, "There are no coincidences in God's plan.  Amanda's question fits in with the topic of today's Scripture readings."  I'm not going to repeat my entire homily here, but you, or any other reader can find it on my other blog "Bear Witness to the Light".
Jeremiah had been called by the LORD to be a prophet from his infancy.  Now, he is an old man, tired of preaching to people who block their ears, shut their eyes, and turn their backs.  At this point, he's had it! 
In his distress, he talks back to the LORD:

You deceived me, LORD, and I allowed myself to be deceived. You were too strong for me, and you got the best of me. Every day of my life, people laugh at me, and make fun of me.
I feel compelled to cry out, but whenever I do, people are insulted and outraged. I speak the LORD’s word, and the people insult me and get angry with me.

I say to myself: I will stop talking to the people about the LORD. I will never mention his name again. But then it starts to burn like fire in my heart. I cannot hold it in. I have to speak what the LORD tells me, even if it kills me.

Last Sunday, Jesus asked his disciples "Who do people say that the Son of Man is?"  They replied “Some say John the Baptist, some Jeremiah, or one of the other prophets.” Then he asked “Who do you say that I am?”  Peter answered: “You are the Messiah, the Son of God.” Today, when Jesus starts to explain the disciples that He must go to Jerusalem, where He will be put to death as a criminal, because of what He says - not about God, but about the Pharisees, Teachers, and Doctors of the Law.

Peter interrupts him:  "God forbid, Lord!  I am not going to let that happen to you!"
There is nothing gentle about Jesus' response:  "Get behind me, you Satan!  You are not thinking as God does, but as people do.”

Peter did not want to offend Jesus, but what he was suggesting would have meant abandoning God's plan for Jesus -- the redemption of humankind, and our reconcilation with God.

Jesus makes his meaning quite clear in the last part of today’s gospel:
If you want to come with me, you must deny yourself, and follow me. If you want save your life in this world, you run the risk of losing eternal life. But if you are willing to lose your life for my sake, you will find it again in the heavenly kingdom. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, with all its pleasures, its profit, and its power, but forfeit his life in God’s kingdom?

Allow me to rephrase Jesus' words in a more timely perspective:
Not long ago I was speaking to a teacher in a school for students who don't fit in regular classroom programs:

Father, I feel so frustrated! I don't want go back to school on Monday.
Why not?

I am angry with Johnny.  I want Jesus to take away my anger.
I don't believe Jesus is going to take away your anger, Thomas.  But I believe He will give you the grace to deal with it.

I don't want to deal with it, Father.  I want it to go away!

Let's get back to the topic question, Amanda. Allow me to answer the question from the bottom up, rather than the top down. 

God never gives anyone more than they can handle.

Jeremiah didn't get any more than he could handle in prophesying to the people of ancient Israel; but he certainly blew off a lot of steam at the LORD because no one paid attention.

Peter didn't get more than he could handle when Jesus promised him the Keys to the Kingdom of Heaven after He returned to the Father.  But, in the meantime, it seems that he tried to protect Jesus from his mission; and when push came to shove, he denied that he even knew Him.  Still, by the end of his life, he accepted crucifixion in the name of Jesus, but insisted that they place the cross upside down, because he felt unworthy to imitate the Lord so closely.

Amanda, I cannot "explain those people who have, obviously, been unable to cope with some burden in their life. Those who take their own lives in despair, the mothers who leave their family when the stress becomes too great, the infidelities that occur when one partner feels overburdened and turns elsewhere?"

I cannot explain it; I cannot excuse it.  I can absolve it, if someone approaches me --  and the LORD can forgive it.  Before the story of Peter ends, he falls asleep in the Garden of Gethsemane; he slices off the ear of a servant of the High Priest; he denies Jesus three times in Pilate's courtyard. 

But, when all is said and done, Peter came to understand the true meaning of the Cross. When it came time for his own crucifixion at the hands of the Romans, he asked to be crucified head down, because he did not feel worthy to imitate Christ.


In conclusion:  God will not give you any more [grief, anguish, temptation, etc.]  than you can handle.  The Adversary [the real Satan, not folks like Simon son of John who sound like him sometimes] will make sure that you will never be subject to any less than you can handle.

Count on that, Amanda!  And count on me and other people who know you and your situation to support you in prayer. 

It ain't ever going to be easy.  But it will work out positively, in the end.

And the end is when you appear before the Throne for judgment.  Don't worry about whether or not you're going to get there.  Trust HIM to give you the graces to get you there.  And follow His direction!